Introduction and why I started this

Well the main reason for me starting this blog was mainly to reflect on my experiences through life which are now changing me as a person. Much of this will be emotional and possibly hard to understand, unless you, yourself have been through something similar. What do I mean, you ask? Well you can learn by reading here first.

I know its a lot to take in and I appreciate you taking the time to read all of it.

Recently I had to make my biggest life decision that I have had to make. I had to decide to quit my final year of university. Not my entire degree, just my final year, otherwise you may understand it better if I put it "to defer everything outstanding till next year".

Ever since this event I have been completely not myself, thinking and feeling things I wouldn't normally associate myself with. Recently my PTS has become worse and I am personally finding life a really big struggle. Those who have been through similar events in their lives will know and understand a lot more than those who haven't. You don't know the pain or suffering without going through it yourself. It's something you can't imagine.

I know I have said to myself several times that I have worked so hard to get so far and now when I see things as "it's all going down the drain", making my hard work a complete waste of time. I know I am lucky compared with some people and in a way stupid to have done what I did, as I may have felt differently but in the heat of the moment instinct got the better of me.

I do not ask for sympathy through this blog, but will not dismiss any comments that relate in such a conceptual manner.

I have to remind myself that life isn't all that bad and that I am better off than some other people, not as in wealth but in the sense that I have a roof over my head and have basic needs such as water, clothes and a bed to sleep in at night.

I ask questions such as would I be better off dead than trying to pick myself up and take the fall like a man, but would dismiss the thoughts straight away and remember my loved ones and friends.

Something which I have used to get myself through this touch stage so far is my own compositions in my music (of which I plan to upload eventually; once I hook my PC and Keyboard up together). So for now I have left you with some of my favourite classical music.

I'll leave that for now as an opening but there is a lot more to follow and I will go into more detail over this blogs lifetime (assuming that I will continue it for a long time).